Assholes and Elbows stands out as a raw, engaging traditional climb wrapped in the rugged embrace of Buffalo Creek’s South Platte landscape. At just 140 feet spread over two pitches, this route offers a direct dose of crack climbing peppered with unique challenges that test both technique and patience. From the outset, the climb demands careful footwork when the crack briefly gives way to slick rock faces, pushing you to trust your smearing and balance. Vegetation puts its mark here — two bushy obstacles force detours, turning what might otherwise be a straightforward crack climb into a dynamic line that keeps you attentive and creative.

The first pitch extends across a generous 110 feet, encouraging a steady pace through hand jams and wide sections. Starting just right of a prominent tree near the bottom, the climb veers left toward the main crack, a move that eases entry and saves energy. This pitch invites climbers into a rhythm shaped by solid jams and strategic rests on rock stances, breaking up the exertion with tactile moments of control. Dirt patches occasionally interrupt the crack, a reminder of the route’s wild character and the mountain’s relentless hold over its corridors.

The second pitch is a sharp contrast in length but no less satisfying—thirty feet of clean, hand crack climbing that delivers a gratifying finish. Beneath this pitch lies a comfortable ledge that serves as a reliable belay station, offering a breather before the final push. Protection is consistent and reassuringly sound throughout; a rack including camalots #1 through #4 secures your ascent with placements that range from straightforward to slightly adventurous in the wider sections. For those who like to build a full rack, supplementing with extra #1 to #3 cams ensures coverage and confidence.

Descending can be handled via a downclimb for the more confident, but a rappel anchor stands ready on a tree east and just below the summit. This 50-foot rap offers a quick and safe retreat, especially handy when conditions shift or energy runs low. The broader setting of Almost Asshole Rock places you within a quietly stirring part of Colorado climbing country—accessible yet edged with the solitude that outdoor climbers crave.

Approach is manageable for those familiar with Buffalo Creek’s terrain, combining forested trail segments with rugged stretches. The exposure is moderate, and while you won’t find sweeping panoramic views here, the intimacy of the rock face against the backdrop of pine-scented air and distant creek waters creates an environment where nature feels both alive and watchful.

This route is perfect for climbers looking to refine hand crack techniques while navigating unexpected terrain challenges. It's an authentic, no-frills experience that balances straightforward protection and a brush with nature’s resistance—inviting, gritty, and distinctly Colorado.