"Spit Fires and Funeral Parlours offers a sharp trad experience on North Table Mountain where thin early protection tests nerves more than moves. A 60-foot single pitch that rewards careful gear placement with solid climbing and striking valley views."
Spit Fires and Funeral Parlours on North Table Mountain presents a climb as much about mental grit as physical skill. From the moment you step onto the Twelve Pack Wall, the rock dares you forward, a steep slice of Golden, Colorado’s rugged cliffs where every placement matters. The route stretches roughly 60 feet over a single pitch, demanding steady hands and a keen eye for protection. The rating of 5.9 with an R (runout) warning immediately sets the tone: the moves themselves aren’t relentless, but the gear isn’t generous at the start. Early placements are scarce and require careful selection of small cams and nuts, pushing climbers to weigh risk with each advance.
This section tests your composure more than pure strength. Once you find that reliable nut or a green C4 cam to lock into the stone, the tension eases, and climbing flow returns. The rock’s texture offers solid friction and a few well-placed features, giving room to breathe and focus on technique. The climb rewards practitioners of traditional protection who know their gear intimately and are comfortable with adventurous but manageable exposure.
The Twelve Pack Wall’s open aspect carries a crisp Colorado air, and while the terrain is straightforward in length, the exposure is tangible. This isn’t a route for beginners or those who shy from thin protection early on. Still, the climb shines in its starkness—raw rock framed by crisp mountain sunlight, with Golden’s valley spreading below. It’s a stride into ascendancy where confidence in your rack and movements pays off fully.
For those ready to meet the challenge, bring a rack emphasizing small to mid-sized cams, a few micro nuts, and quickdraws for safety. Footwear should strike a balance between precision and comfort to handle delicate placements on textured granite. Approach foot traffic with patience—it’s a popular sector but still maintains a sense of solitude among the cliffs.
Timing your climb mid-morning to early afternoon maximizes sun exposure without overheating, especially on calm days. Watch the weather closely; sudden wind gusts or wet rock can escalate risks significantly. The descent is straightforward with a single rappel—double-check your anchors and communicate clearly with your partner to ensure a smooth return.
Spit Fires and Funeral Parlours is a calling for those who appreciate the raw challenge of a traditional line where mental toughness meets technical savvy. It’s a route where every piece of gear placed earns its keep and every move builds confidence, turning thin protection into an edge of excitement rather than fear. If you crave a focused, uncompromising climb in a striking Colorado setting, this route delivers with a satisfying blend of cut-and-dry adventure and practical climbing rigor.
The early section features thin gear placements that require careful assessment—runout potential is real. Climbers should be comfortable with limited protection and avoid this route in wet conditions, as the granite becomes slick and increases hazard.
Practice placing micro cams and small nuts before the climb to build confidence.
Plan your ascent for late morning to early afternoon for best sun and rock conditions.
Use sticky-soled climbing shoes for better edge control on delicate footholds.
Double-check all placements early on – thin protection means every piece counts.
Bring a selection of small cams and micro nuts, including a green C4, plus quickdraws to protect the runouts early in the climb. Gear placements can be thin at the start, so trust your rack and look for bomber placements when possible.
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