Phallus in Suck-It-Land offers a raw and adventurous trad climb that rewards the effort with wide-open spaces and uncommon exposure. Situated on the towering Redgarden Wall within Eldorado Canyon State Park near Boulder, Colorado, this route demands both mental grit and a steady rack. Approaching the climb, you’ll enter a landscape defined by steep cliffs and the crackling song of wind through rocky outcrops. The route begins from the Upper Ramp, just right of a notable cave left of the Upper Ruper start, a place often overlooked by local climbers but rich with challenge and character. Expect rock streaked with lichen, which adds texture but also demands precise footwork and bold trust in your equipment. The holds lean toward the juggy side, providing solid purchase, but it’s wise to tread carefully—this is a route that doesn’t shy away from runouts or sparse protection.

Pitch one spans about 120 feet at a 5.8 risk rating, challenging climbers to maneuver through a combination of roof moves and face climbing that arcs upward and left, finishing at a double piton belay beneath an arching roof. Here, the wall feels alive, offering subtle relief in big holds but reminding you that every move counts. There’s an alternate variation for the start, involving a short 15-foot section on Upper Ruper, adding a slightly stiffer sequence before cutting hard left at the clipping of a piton.

The second pitch is the heart of the climb at around 100 feet and rated 5.8. This section snakes left from the belay and confronts you with a feature-rich roof to surmount at an obvious weakness. From there, the line continues upwards, threading through two additional roofs. These crux points weave exposure and technique together—choose your path with care, taking landmarks like a small tree near the upper face to guide your journey. The route's variability here means each ascent might feel personal, offering room for judgment calls on gear placements and route selection. For climbers eager to shorten the day, pitch two can be combined with pitch three, which offers a mellow 5.4 scrabble to the saddle where Upper Ruper finishes.

Protection on Phallus in Suck-It-Land calls for a full standard traditional rack, with special attention paid to larger camming devices to securely slot into the huecos, where protection isn’t generous. Those pockets are invaluable for reducing runout anxiety and making the climb feel more playful than precarious. Despite the lichen and exposure, the rock quality is generally solid, demanding confident gear placements and careful movement.

Eldorado Canyon itself is a playground of steep sandstone cliffs and sweeping views of the Colorado foothills. Access is straightforward but involves a short approach that winds through forested paths and rocky outcrops, setting the tone for a day immersed in solitude and wild beauty. Similar climbs in the area often draw crowds, but this route's reputation ensures it remains a quieter choice for climbers searching for a bold adventure off the beaten path.

Timing your climb for spring through early fall is ideal, as the wall faces a direction that captures morning sun but benefits from afternoon shade, keeping rock temperature comfortable on hot days. Keep an eye on weather, as sudden thunderstorms can sweep in fast in this region, bringing slick surfaces and increased risk.

The descent calls for a careful rappel or an attentive walk-off to the base, with route-finding aided by cairns and established trails. Stay mindful of loose rock and the occasional narrow ledge. Preparation, a solid rack, and respect for the route’s runout character will ensure your day on Phallus in Suck-It-Land remains memorable for all the right reasons.