March Of The Kitchen Utensils stands as a compelling test of technique and endurance amidst the rugged granite faces of Squamish’s Cirque of the Uncrackables. This solitary pitch offers a wild offwidth crack climb stretching roughly 110 feet, demanding a blend of laybacking and powerful offwidth jamming that challenges your physical limits and mental grit. From the base, the crack rises with a raw, commanding presence, inviting climbers to lock into its seams and rhythms. Though the lower sections reward precise hand and footwork with solid placements for smaller cams, the upper portions widen, asking for bigger gear—think #5 cams—to protect your progress through the juggernaut crack. The top slab reveals some dirt, a reminder that nature’s maintenance isn’t always timely up here, but it’s manageable with mindful foot placement.

Squamish’s Cirque of the Uncrackables carries a voice of its own—granite plates and cracks daring climbers to puzzle their way upwards while the coastal air wraps around, bringing a crisp freshness that cuts through exertion. The protection is straightforward but requires preparation: a full rack with emphasis on larger cams, paired with a couple of smaller pieces for the approach into the crack’s narrower sections. When you reach the summit, a bolted anchor system awaits, though the slings show weathering—double-check your rigging to ensure a safe belay.

Approaching the climb is a treat for the senses: the trail winds through ancient firs and cedar, the soft crunch of needles underfoot accompanying the steady murmur of nearby waters. The route’s location in the Chief vicinity means ample opportunity to blend this challenge with exploring other world-class lines, offering a taste of Squamish’s iconic granite features. Timing your ascent for morning or early afternoon helps you avoid the mid-day sun beating down on the face’s exposed sections, especially since offwidths can sap your strength quickly under heat.

For the climber ready to engage with a single pitch that combines technical crack expertise and the visceral thrill of push-and-pull climbing, March Of The Kitchen Utensils delivers a direct, unpretentious test. The route rewards patience and persistence with a satisfying, muscle-demanding experience, framed by some of British Columbia’s boldest granite. Whether you're a crack enthusiast or stepping up your trad game, this climb offers a memorable connection with Squamish’s rugged outdoor character.