In the heart of Joshua Tree National Park, the east face of The Tortuga presents a climb that commands respect and precision. Cling Tenaciously to My Buttocks delivers a focused trad experience over a moderate 50 feet, threading a ramp and chimney system punctuated by two well-placed bolts. As you start your ascent, the rock’s sun-warmed texture offers a reassuring friction, while the desert air carries a quiet stillness broken only by the faint rustling of hardy scrub and distant calls of desert birds. The route’s chimney challenges you to rely on balance and body tension, coaxing you into a dance between vulnerability and control—a test not just of strength but of composure. Protection calls for a range of small to large placements, demanding careful gear selection and mindful placements in spaces where the rock widens and narrows with intention. The two bolts offer fixed security, but this climb rewards those who come prepared with trad rack and patience.

Access is straightforward—located along the Geology Tour Road, the trail to The Tortuga is clear and well-trodden, making the approach a smooth half-hour that eases you into the desert’s raw beauty. Expect a gravelly path winding through the dry, scrubby landscape under an expansive blue sky, with temperatures that climb quickly in the sun’s glare. Aim for early morning or late afternoon starts to avoid the harshest heat and enjoy a pleasant balance of shadow and light on the rock face.

This route embodies the spirit of Joshua Tree’s less crowded corners—intimate, demanding, and quietly thrilling. The climb suits those eager to hone crack and chimney technique in a setting framed by the park’s rugged outlines. Practical gear advice: bring a range of cams to cover narrow to wide placements, slings for extending gear in uneven placements, and be prepared for tricky body positioning around the bolts. The single pitch nature of the climb makes it a manageable commitment but no less intense, especially when the desert’s openness presses in around you.

Beyond the immediate challenge, the location offers a stark reminder of nature’s endurance; winds cut through the desert like whispers, and the granite’s ancient face holds stories of time etched into its grains. Whether you’re aiming for a quick morning send or a relaxed afternoon climb, Cling Tenaciously to My Buttocks earns its place on your Joshua Tree itinerary with a blend of technical demands, desert atmosphere, and a taste of the park’s timeless character.